As I read this article,
I wept. I wept for my nation's capital. I wept, hearing the thousands
of women who had unimaginable injustices done to them. I wept, seeing
the brutality with which women are treated by both men and women. I
wept, stricken by the lethargy which has overcome the government in
protecting women. But more than anything, I wept bitterly, seeing the
apathy with which men deal with the injustices committed against women.
I remember going to church one Sunday, and hearing one of my favorite pastors preach. I distinctly remember Rev. Mike Peppin's exhortation of the book of Jeremiah, chapter 17. "The heart of man is desperately evil." he said. As on that Sunday, even today, that phrase, desperately evil, sends shivers down my spine. Just think about it - Desperately Evil - that somehow a part of our ancient evolutionary instinct is to be horrendously self-seeking. That was the first thought that came to mind when I read about the gruesome gang rape and murder of a 23-year old Indian woman, "J", who was an aspiring physiotherapist. And as Jason Burke of the guardian points out in his well-written and detailed article, this wasn't a crime committed by psychopaths or serial rapists. This was a crime committed by men completely representative of a very large segment of Indian males. And that makes it all the more horrifying.
Evil unsettles us. It makes us want to explain it away as a form of mental derangement, as a mere troublesome blip on the blank slate of human consciousness. But do you know what the truly horrifying stories are? They are those of people who are perfectly normal, yet, commit unmentionable atrocities. Like Vinay Sharma (20) a gym instructor, Pawan Gupta (19) a fruit-seller and student, Ram Singh (34) and Mukesh Singh (26), drivers of an unlicensed bus, and Akshay Thakur (28) and Raju (17), assistants on that bus where the unspeakable horrors of 16 December 2012 took place. Soon after Awindra Pandey and J got on the bus in which they were posing as passengers, Pandey was dragged and beaten at the back of the bus by the gang. And then their attention shifted to J, as the men took turns raping her. Ram Singh even used a metal rod. After J and Pandey were dumped from the bus, they barely escaped being run over by the same bus. Doctors were appalled by the state of J's injuries to her genitals, uterus and intestines. She died in a hospital in Singapore with her father holding her hand as she breathed her last.
Nothing really matters - economic development, military advancement, political savvy or scientific achievement - if we can't do much about a half of our population feeling unsafe from fear of sexual molestation. And it certainly doesn't help if we blame them for it. As if rape isn't terrible enough. It makes me mad when someone says that rape is due to women not dressing modestly enough. A man intending to rape is going to do it, irrespective of a woman wearing a sari or "western" t-shirt and jeans. There's a very thin line between intent and action, and men really need to wake up and do something about this - about ourselves, especially our attitudes toward women, not just the women whom we personally know, but all women.
So in honor of J, and the spirit of change and hope, I offer some practical suggestions, to you Indian men and women, regarding our attitudes towards women:
1. Stop denying that injustices against women aren’t frequent in urban regions. The first step an addict battles with is denial - denying that there actually is a problem. Regarding our attitudes towards women, we're no different. A 2011 survey shows that Indian men scored last (among six developing countries including Brazil, Rwanda and Chile) on a "gender-just" scale with one in four actually admitting to committing sexual violence. Two-thirds of the 1500 Indian men surveyed were from Delhi. More disturbingly, 65% of the men surveyed believed that women should tolerate violence to "keep the family together and that sometimes women deserved to be beaten". This bring me to my next point,
2. Stop living with double-standards. Understand that your spouse is not from the same era as your mother. You enjoy her "modern" sensibility of wearing "western" attire, yet you expect her to obey your every command and do exactly as you say. You can't have your paratha and eat it as well. Realize that the world has moved on beyond the stone age. Respect your spouse as your equal, not as your sub-ordinate.
3. Stop Stereotyping women. Its good to start somewhere relatable. Start by avoiding stereotyping the women in your life. A friend of mine once made fun of how women can't drive properly and always tidy up their make-up while driving. While anecdotes abound, the evidence suggests otherwise. Some very reliable sources show that men are three times as likely to be reckless drivers and drunk-drivers than women. Irresepctive of this, avoid stereotypes that hurt and belittle women. Stereotyping isn't too far off from bullying. And as a guy, you wouldn't want to bullied, would you?
4. Start speaking out against the injusctice done to women. JFK once famously quoted Edmund Burke in a speech, saying, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Start supporting women's rights - at home and at the workplace. Truth trumps tradition - if there was ever a battle. And in India, misguided tradition still gets the upper hand. The truth is, every human being, male or female, has intrinsic worth. And this worth is worth defending, especially with regards to rape and sex traffficking. Join a campaign, support an NGO - the International Justice Mission is an excellent example. Bring this up in conversation with friends and family, do something, anything. Even as little as sharing this article.
5. Start loving the women in your life. By this I don't mean the cheap sentimental luv that is peddled by Bollywood or Kollywood. I'm talking about Love. True, painstaking, eyebrow-sweating, lacrimal-gland- stimulating, hand-dirtying, self-giving, joy-filling love. Real. Authentic. Love. The kind that once you get it and give it, makes you understand why it literally makes the world go round. Love your wife with all your heart, mind, soul, strength and spirit. You'll never ever regret it.
Let's not forget what happened to J on that fateful day in december 2012. Let's make sure we honor her by atleast doing this much.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/10/delhi-gang-rape-india-women
I remember going to church one Sunday, and hearing one of my favorite pastors preach. I distinctly remember Rev. Mike Peppin's exhortation of the book of Jeremiah, chapter 17. "The heart of man is desperately evil." he said. As on that Sunday, even today, that phrase, desperately evil, sends shivers down my spine. Just think about it - Desperately Evil - that somehow a part of our ancient evolutionary instinct is to be horrendously self-seeking. That was the first thought that came to mind when I read about the gruesome gang rape and murder of a 23-year old Indian woman, "J", who was an aspiring physiotherapist. And as Jason Burke of the guardian points out in his well-written and detailed article, this wasn't a crime committed by psychopaths or serial rapists. This was a crime committed by men completely representative of a very large segment of Indian males. And that makes it all the more horrifying.
Evil unsettles us. It makes us want to explain it away as a form of mental derangement, as a mere troublesome blip on the blank slate of human consciousness. But do you know what the truly horrifying stories are? They are those of people who are perfectly normal, yet, commit unmentionable atrocities. Like Vinay Sharma (20) a gym instructor, Pawan Gupta (19) a fruit-seller and student, Ram Singh (34) and Mukesh Singh (26), drivers of an unlicensed bus, and Akshay Thakur (28) and Raju (17), assistants on that bus where the unspeakable horrors of 16 December 2012 took place. Soon after Awindra Pandey and J got on the bus in which they were posing as passengers, Pandey was dragged and beaten at the back of the bus by the gang. And then their attention shifted to J, as the men took turns raping her. Ram Singh even used a metal rod. After J and Pandey were dumped from the bus, they barely escaped being run over by the same bus. Doctors were appalled by the state of J's injuries to her genitals, uterus and intestines. She died in a hospital in Singapore with her father holding her hand as she breathed her last.
Nothing really matters - economic development, military advancement, political savvy or scientific achievement - if we can't do much about a half of our population feeling unsafe from fear of sexual molestation. And it certainly doesn't help if we blame them for it. As if rape isn't terrible enough. It makes me mad when someone says that rape is due to women not dressing modestly enough. A man intending to rape is going to do it, irrespective of a woman wearing a sari or "western" t-shirt and jeans. There's a very thin line between intent and action, and men really need to wake up and do something about this - about ourselves, especially our attitudes toward women, not just the women whom we personally know, but all women.
So in honor of J, and the spirit of change and hope, I offer some practical suggestions, to you Indian men and women, regarding our attitudes towards women:
1. Stop denying that injustices against women aren’t frequent in urban regions. The first step an addict battles with is denial - denying that there actually is a problem. Regarding our attitudes towards women, we're no different. A 2011 survey shows that Indian men scored last (among six developing countries including Brazil, Rwanda and Chile) on a "gender-just" scale with one in four actually admitting to committing sexual violence. Two-thirds of the 1500 Indian men surveyed were from Delhi. More disturbingly, 65% of the men surveyed believed that women should tolerate violence to "keep the family together and that sometimes women deserved to be beaten". This bring me to my next point,
2. Stop living with double-standards. Understand that your spouse is not from the same era as your mother. You enjoy her "modern" sensibility of wearing "western" attire, yet you expect her to obey your every command and do exactly as you say. You can't have your paratha and eat it as well. Realize that the world has moved on beyond the stone age. Respect your spouse as your equal, not as your sub-ordinate.
3. Stop Stereotyping women. Its good to start somewhere relatable. Start by avoiding stereotyping the women in your life. A friend of mine once made fun of how women can't drive properly and always tidy up their make-up while driving. While anecdotes abound, the evidence suggests otherwise. Some very reliable sources show that men are three times as likely to be reckless drivers and drunk-drivers than women. Irresepctive of this, avoid stereotypes that hurt and belittle women. Stereotyping isn't too far off from bullying. And as a guy, you wouldn't want to bullied, would you?
4. Start speaking out against the injusctice done to women. JFK once famously quoted Edmund Burke in a speech, saying, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Start supporting women's rights - at home and at the workplace. Truth trumps tradition - if there was ever a battle. And in India, misguided tradition still gets the upper hand. The truth is, every human being, male or female, has intrinsic worth. And this worth is worth defending, especially with regards to rape and sex traffficking. Join a campaign, support an NGO - the International Justice Mission is an excellent example. Bring this up in conversation with friends and family, do something, anything. Even as little as sharing this article.
5. Start loving the women in your life. By this I don't mean the cheap sentimental luv that is peddled by Bollywood or Kollywood. I'm talking about Love. True, painstaking, eyebrow-sweating, lacrimal-gland- stimulating, hand-dirtying, self-giving, joy-filling love. Real. Authentic. Love. The kind that once you get it and give it, makes you understand why it literally makes the world go round. Love your wife with all your heart, mind, soul, strength and spirit. You'll never ever regret it.
Let's not forget what happened to J on that fateful day in december 2012. Let's make sure we honor her by atleast doing this much.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/10/delhi-gang-rape-india-women
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